Little did I know I would find some work in this fair town. Barney the dwarf thief. Fucker been stealing dwarves through out town. Took the bounty for a nice price. The stupid bastard was having them make shoes. Anyway so I clobbered the prick as the hero that I am with my handy dandy brother. We laid into the butt-hole turned him in, letting all the hairy midgets go, ungrateful they were. Here I am saving their four foot tall beings and what do they give me? Nothing!
Anywho, back to our main story, their I was at the bar celebrating my…our most grand triumph when I notice An elf walk in, and when I say elf I mean a high and mighty sort. This bloke be a wizard. So I head on over introduce ourselves, the great Baris brothers. The Jackals of the West, the Twin Fangs, the…alright ye get the picture.
Anywho, turned out his name was Balthazar, the big lug who had been serving me drinks all night was Draven, apparently he owned the bar or something. I don’t know really. He gave me some booze so obviously he couldn’t be the heart breaker. Now that passed me brother and my test, it was time to sleep off this rot gut.
BAAAAMM I wake up to some pain, and this fuckin’ lizard the size of a horse munchin’ on me arm. I hit the bastard then he took off. I look around..oh great he has friends and their eatin’ everyone. The whole place is screaming and yarping till the wizard came down and laid out, i shit ya not a ball of acid. Straight up burned the whole lot. Then I saved the day with some bow work. I was about to head out of their then POOF huge ugly fuck pops up i front of me. Amazing all daemons, so naturally we gotta kill em. After some much needed hacking and slashing and magic poof fuckers dead.
We are about to part ways until…oh shit the place is on fire! We all get out and sure as hell enough I begin hearing voices in me head. It was some disturbing stuff I tell ye what. So while i’m hearing voices in me head and everyone else is crying over the bar..all that booze….Sigh these blokes show up to arrest us. Tell our own big feller Draven told them no, and the guards said Okay in a “We shit our britches” kinda way. So they took us to the head guard, where I really start loosing me marbles. Finally one of em gets the right idea, the fuckin’ wizard decides to help me. I pay the big guy to keep me safe and to be fair I couldn’t listen too much to the guard what with MY BRAIN BEING BROKEN!
No fear fans your dear narrator isn’t going to die, the wizard and arena brawler won’t have any of that. We head on down to what I can only hope to be a place to save me, again the voices kept me from hearin’ shit.
Of course we couldn’t have an easy time, out pop more of these daemon bastard, thankfully I wasn’t hung over and the wizard knew how to drop bombs. Draven distracted the big fuck while we laid into him. Rather short encounter, but we made it to the healers place where we met a lovely Oracle though she blind….huh ill be damned. Anyway after being talked to by my best friend in the whole world, the wizard. I decide to stay put and let her heal me. Oh did I mention I got a cool spear? It’s kinda important.
ANYWAY. We get healed and this scary scary man comes down the hall and is furious with us because I looked so good doing all my flips and the other two were trying to out shine me..and failing. Then she gave me a glare that could break a stone, so we skedaddled out of their and ended the daemon. The wizard says she looked evil, hm…great now we got daemons attacking and an evil cleric…..hey…wait a minute…hm…
Crowns of the Apocalypse
Day 1: The Burning Krell
Enter the Baris Brothers